My husband and I always argue when his dad wants to take our toddler. Now, my MIL is going to an amusem*nt park with her older grandkids (the youngest is around 7 or 8, while my toddler is almost 4), and my FIL wants to take my toddler with them (MIL and FIL are divorced). So, while my MIL is taking the other kids to the games, my FIL would watch my toddler.
For context, we lived with FIL for a year after my daughter was born. In this period, I got to know my FIL more than I would ever want. I don’t trust him with my daughter. For starters, he is addicted to cannabis, and perhaps because of that or other reasons, his brain doesn’t function properly. By that, I mean he doesn’t make coherent decisions, especially regarding kids' safety. He has given my child choking hazards when she was just starting to eat, placed her right next to a pot with boiling water still on the stove, taken her out of my arms without asking (this happens all the time), left her unattended, once left her playing with soil with fertilizer that he just put in the plants, while she put everything in her mouth. He keeps her in his smoke-filled room with all the windows closed for long periods. He has given her dangerous items to play with, like table knives, lighters, oxidized metal, and other hazardous objects. He is extremely unhygienic; he would give her fruits that she dropped on the floor that was really dirty because of his cat and people wore outside shoes indoors. He had disturbing p*rnographic pictures of himself without a password across his devices, taken in his bed (where he would have my daughter and his other grandchildren sleep when they spend the night there) , and he never washes the bedclothes, and I am sure he doesn’t disinfect his phone after taking those pictures. Even though he knows the content of his phone, he keeps giving my toddler his phone (and she puts it in her mouth) and I have told him not to give her (having also arguments for that) . A couple of times she unblocked the phone (or he gave it to her unblocked, not sure about that part). He gave her small magnets to play with when again she put everything in her mouth and arguing with me that he is right to give them to her. He disrespects her bodily autonomy; for example, if she doesn’t want to kiss him, he uses his strength to kiss or hug her, in a really annoying way, I mean it's not just a kiss, a lot of kisses while holding her tightly (I don't know how to describe it) which pises me off and I have had also arguments with FIL and my husband about it. On top of that, he is so delusional that he thinks all of that is okay. He even asked her once if she didn't want to kiss him (after I said something about it) she said no and he was like she says not but she means yes.
I've had arguments with my husband demanding him to talk with his dad, but my husband doesn’t see the problem, and I started big arguments with my FIL he behaves once and then return to his stupid behavior and shows no accountability. He doesn’t respect our boundaries or parental decisions about many things, such our privacy while living with him he would knock on our bedroom door and immediately opening it without waiting for an answer, a couple of times I was half dressed. He wanted me ti parenting in his way, and we had arguments about mundane things, like not giving dairy products to my daughter, which he made a big deal out of it going as far as involved my husband's sister.
He has been careless with my daughter in the past; for example, he walked in her hands when she was crawling (a few times not just once) , and he almost fell on her during Christmas two years ago because he is clumsy. Sometimes he has forgotten that he has my daughter and left her alone. He has big gardering tools the ones that are like big knives and other similar tools liying around his house.
I wouldn’t let my daughter be with him without the supervision of a responsible adult. However, in this case, my MIL is going to be there, but she will be taking care of the older children. That means that my FIL may be alone with my daughter at some point. I don’t want my daughter to miss out on experiences with her cousins and mother-in-law.
So, I don’t know if I should let my FIL take her with the other kids.
Sorry for the long post, but I need advice based on why I have so much anxiety about letting my FIL be alone with my daughter.
Thanks in advance.
