Are your friends aging you, or are YOU making THEM look older (2024)

Do you ever meet up with your friends and feel that some of them are letting the side down? Unlike you they've never updated their hairstyle or beauty regime, and — to be blunt — they're ageing you by association, their greying hair, tired complexion or harsh black eyeliner instantly (and frustratingly) causing onlookers to add years to all of your speculative ages despite your best efforts to stay youthful.

Or, whisper it, are you the one who stands out in your peer group, constantly puzzled that your friends appear so much fresher than you?

Here a group of leading experts, from Kate and Camilla's hairdressers to Helen Mirren's stylist, reveal all the reasons why some women look so much older than their contemporaries — and share the top tips for your hair, face and body that can instantly knock off years...

Hair

Update your style

You found a style that worked for you 20 years ago and you've stuck with it ever since. But sadly your 'safe bet' hairdo is probably adding years to you, explains the Princess of Wales's hairdresser Richard Ward (richardward.com).

'A lot of women lose confidence around the menopause and feel scared to make any big changes at a time when they could really do with a boost,' he says. 'A good hairdresser should be making suggestions for how you can update your style as your hair loses volume. If your stylist hasn't suggested a change in 20 years, it might be time to look for a new one.'

Say bye to straighteners

Wedded to your GHDs? It's a midlife mistake, says Richard.

'Poker straight hair is a young look. On older women it will just drag the face down and become ageing,' he explains. 'Midlife women can have longer hair, but halfway down your back might be pushing things.

'The worst thing you can do is look incredibly youthful from behind and then turn around to reveal you are much older than your hairstyle. You want softness, movement and a bit of length at the back so you can tuck it behind your ears.

'Trinny Woodall, who is 60, is a great example of someone with longer hair getting it just right.'

Ditch the ponytail

Scraping your hair into a ponytail or bun is doing you no favours.

'Very short hair is quite unforgiving on most women and that's how the world is seeing you if you wear your hair in ponytail or bun more than you wear it down,' says Richard. 'If you don't have a feminine side fringe to soften the look, it's going to appear harsh.

'If you're having too many ponytail days it's a good indicator that the time is right for a new look that's bold, anti-ageing — and life changing!'

Don't stay in the dark

Expert colourist Jo Hansford (johansford.com), who counts Queen Camilla, Sienna Miller and Gwyneth Paltrow among her clients, says that many women make the mistake of thinking that keeping the same colour they had when young will be more youthful.

'You have to soften down the colour after 40,' says Jo. 'Skin colour changes as we age [as skin becomes thinner and dryer] and the colour needs to adapt accordingly or it will wash you out. You can look chic and stylish without trying to look 20.

'Few women over 50 can pull off nearly black hair, you'll just look like Morticia! Brunettes need to be aiming for one to two shades lighter.

'As for blondes, too much peroxide, or what I call 'raw blonde', is just as ageing, you have to include warm tones. Booking in for a colour consultation is the best thing you'll ever do.'

Grey is a mistake

Nothing says 'given up' like grey hair, says Jo.

'I absolutely loathe it. I haven't seen many people who can carry it off. You have to be unbelievably chic with an amazing figure, the best haircut and fantastic clothes to make it work. For most people it will add years and those around you will look at you, and treat you, differently.

'It's a short-cut to frumpiness, why on earth would you take it? If money is tight then shop-bought colour is pretty good, just don't make your choice based on the picture of the 20-something model on the box.'

Skip Stripping shampoo

'You wouldn't buy a cashmere sweater and launder it in washing-up liquid,' says Jo.

'There's no point spending money on a cut and colour and then using cheap, colour-stripping products. You need to bin products with parabens and sulphates in order to close the cuticle and make your hair shine.'

FACE

Makeover your make up

'The average middle-aged woman is still putting on the same 'face' she applied when she was 25, I see it all the time,' says Holly Willoughby's make-up artist Patsy O'Neill (@patsyoneillmakeup).

'It's when most women start their professional careers, when they felt good about themselves and their make-up routine has now become part of their identity and uniform. But if you don't update your look, you're dating yourself.

'I advise women to take their make up bag somewhere like Space NK and tell them you're looking for an upgrade. If you'd happily spend £200 on a new outfit then why not on a new make-up kit that will last you years?

'Look at adding cream stick foundations, a hydrating setting powder and back away from harsh black kohl, going for a soft matt, dark brown instead. Hildun Beauty do a beautiful soft eye pencil in great shades — you'll look instantly younger. Bin cheap, clumpy mascara and go for a tubing one by Hourglass. They wash off with water and never smudge.'

Brows shouldn't be thin

Forget the over-plucked look of years past. 'If your brows don't evolve you'll look older and stuck in a rut,' says Patsy. 'Put your tweezers down and let them grow in.' Brows naturally become more sparse with age, so Patsy advises: 'Invest in a serum to activate the protein in the follicle.

Beauty Pie does a good one. After six weeks you'll notice the difference and your new brows will lift and frame your face. Add an angled brow pencil to your kit, I love Sculpted By Aimee. If you're not confident at drawing in brows then watch a YouTube tutorial — Lisa Eldridge and Sam Chapman have great ones.'

Cowering from contour

We've all seen those scarily complicated-looking contouring and highlighting tutorials. Don't overthink it, says Patsy.

'You can contour with any old bronzer. It will warm up your skin and shape your face. The simple rule is apply it where you want to create a slimming effect — the jaw, and to cut into the cheekbones.

'As for highlighting, the clue is in the name, so don't highlight anything you don't want to draw attention to. Dab a little onto the apples of the cheek.

'Victoria Beckham's highlighter stick, £40, is on the pricy side but it will give you a glorious glow.'

Banish the '11' Lines

Aesthetic doctor Mica Engel (cosmeticalondon.co.uk) says the so-called 11 lines (the wrinkles that appear between the eyes) are the ones most people notice. 'It's the top thing people get treated for at my clinic. They make you look cross because they sit in that triangle of eyes/nose/mouth where people focus their gaze.

'A bit of discreet Botox is the answer. You won't look frozen but you'll definitely look refreshed. Nobody need know — 80 per cent of my Botox clients don't tell their partners.'

The power couple

'After 45 you have to ramp up your skincare routine,' says Dr Engel. 'The best thing you can do is introduce the power couple — a vitamin C serum for day time and a retinol at night time to stimulate collagen production. Start with a low dose, build up gradually and take it all the way down the neck and decolletage.

'At 25 you can slap any old moisturiser on and look good, in middle age you really can't.'

Go high-tech

Facials have gone high-tech. If you're still going for an old-fashioned 'beauty' one with no gadgetry, you're missing out.

'So many people don't realise how easy lasers make it to permanently get rid of ageing thread veins, pigmentation and rosacea,' says Dr Engel. 'A beautician with an NVQ7 qualification can zap them in just three sessions.

'Radio frequency can tighten the jawline and stop jowls developing. The technology is so good, soon there will be no need for facelifts. If you have a friend who looks incredible, ask her who her aesthetician is. She'll have one!'

BODY

Stop over-exercising

Some people's figures may suffer from lack of exercise but overdoing it can also be damaging. 'More isn't better when it comes to exercise, especially in midlife,' says fitness and nutrition expert Karen Austin (topazfitnessacademy.com).

'Over training causes stress on the body, spiking hormone cortisol which can impact inflammation and make metabolism sluggish.

'As we age we need to build muscle, which helps to keep our skin toned. Buy yourself a set of dumbbells heavy enough so that you can't do more than four rounds of ten to 12 reps of bicep curls. Two kilos is a good starting point.'

Ditch crash dieting

Before an occasion, there's a temptation to go on a crash diet.

'If the aim is to look good for your friends, don't do it,' says Karen. 'You might drop a few pounds but you'll be adding a few years, too. When you deprive yourself of calories, most of the weight lost in your face will be muscle. Muscle is the scaffolding and without it things start to collapse.'

Update face furniture

A wardrobe refresh can work wonders, but it's not a good investment if you're going to stick with the same ageing spectacles you've been wearing for years, says celebrity stylist Rachel Fanconi (rachelfanconi.com) whose clients include Helen Mirren, Davina McCall and Jo Whiley.

'Digital meetings have made glasses a crucial accessory that need to be regularly updated,' says Rachel. 'Something with a soft upward shape, like a cat's eye style, will give your face a lift. Glas and Polette are cool brands offering reasonably priced frames. Brown is also softer than black.'

Lose the lounge bra

We loved them during lockdown but it's time to bin the soft 'lounge' bra, says Rachel. 'They just give a uniboob 'sausage' appearance to anyone over a C-cup. Get yourself to John Lewis or Bravissimo for a proper underwired bra overhaul. Once correctly fitted your waist will reappear.'

Years off your ears

Heavy earrings can pull down earlobes and stretch the piercing hole, which is ageing. Multiple small ear piercings can knock off years, says Vanessa Chilton, co-founder of jewellers Robinson Pelham (robinsonpelham.com).

'It's all about the curation of the ear! We provide a service telling women how to dress the ear and to draw attention up towards the eyes and away from the neck, jawline and decolletage. Multiple piercings are youthful and can transform how you look and feel.'

Or an ear cuff (no piercing required) can work wonders. 'They give you a natural facelift because they follow the line of the cheekbone and pull your face upwards,' says Vanessa.

...And don't let poor posture undo it all!

There's one thing that's certain to undo all your anti-ageing efforts and make you appear older: poor posture.

'We weren't designed to be sitting on our bums for ten hours a day,' says Karen Austin. 'Some people develop a dowager's hump which is hardly flattering. The muscles at the front of the body are tightening and pulling you forward creating a hunched look.

'Meanwhile the muscles in your buttocks, spine and neck are weakening. Twenty minutes of online Pilates or yoga will help.'