How can something that's 95% water be so divisive? Alone among vegetables, the poor, innocent stick of celery elicits the most vicious attacks. What other vegetable has to defend itself against accusations of "evil" ; of being "the devil's weed" (in the view of Weekend's restaurant critic, Marina O'Loughlin); of being Lucifer's toothfloss; of having no point or justification for its existence; and of posing an insult to human dignity?
What's more, this questioning of its very right to exist is just the opening argument in The Case Against Celery. Further evidence is piled on afterwards. For instance, that people only ever buy celery because it's "on the shopping list", and only then when they want to make the mirepoix, sofrito, caponata, waldorf salad or bloody mary for which it's absolutely essential; and that the only worthwhile use for an uncooked stick is as an edible spoon with which to scoop up a blue cheese or peanut butter dip, or as a purely ironic feature in a 1970s- or early 1980s-themed menu. And as if all that wasn't enough, so otherworldly is the crunch when you snap a celery stalk that foley artists often use it to simulate the noise of bones breaking on film soundtracks.
An open and shut case? Far from it. Celery's detractors are, of course, misguided (sorry, Marina and co). Most soups, stocks, braises and broths would be utterly lost without it, while in its raw state it is refreshing, palate-cleansing, crunchy and delicious. Celery is thestar of the show in a salad of green peppers, capers, parsley, chopped lemon, crumbled feta andasoft-boiled egg; it's an unparalleled match with cheese andwalnuts; andmost tuna or chicken salads would be much the poorer for its absence.
For my money, celery hasn't got amean bit of fibre in its body, and weall need to start being much nicer to it. The case for the defence rests.
Swiss chard and celery gratin
If you have some, replace some ofthe salt with celery salt; this will add another level of complexity. This gratin is lovely with lemon-infused roast chicken. Serves six.
8 medium celery stalks, trimmed and cut into 1.5cm-long pieces
3 bay leaves
Shaved zest of 1 lemon (use a veg peeler), plus 2 tsp grated zest
500ml full-fat milk
640g Swiss chard, stalks and green leaves separated, leaves shredded, stalks cut into 2cm slices
20g unsalted butter
Salt and black pepper
2½ tbsp plain flour
1 tbsp lemon juice
100g fresh breadcrumbs
20g chopped parsley
80g grated parmesan
Heat the oven to 180C/350F/gas mark 4. Put the celery in a large nonstick sauté pan with the bay leaves and shaved lemon. Pour overthe milk, put the pan on a medium-high heat, bring to a gentle simmer and cook for 12 minutes, until soft. Strain the celery, reserving 300ml ofthe milk for later; discard the rest, as well as thebay and lemon.
Wipe clean the pan, fill it with enough water to cover the chard (you'll need about a litre), bring to aboil and add the chard stalks. Boilfor two minutes, add the chard leaves and cook for another minute. Drain and pat dry.
Wipe the pan dry, add the butter and put on a medium-high heat. Add the chard, three-quarters of a teaspoon of salt and some black pepper, and sauté for four minutes. Add the strained celery, cook, stirring, for a minute, then sprinkle in the flour and stir until it cooks a little and absorbs some of the liquid in the pan; this will take about a minute. Pour the reserved milk over the vegetables, stir for two minutes until it starts to thicken, then add thelemon juice. Tip into a 20cm x 20cm gratin dish and set aside.
Mix the breadcrumbs in a bowl with the parsley, parmesan, grated lemon zest and a quarter-teaspoon of salt. Sprinkle this evenly over the gratin, then bake for 30 minutes, until the topping is golden-brown and the sauce bubbling away underneath. Leaveto rest for 10 minutes beforeserving.
Celery and celeriac soup with pork belly 'croutons'
A substantial meal in a bowl. If you are pressed for time, use pancetta or bacon instead of belly. Serves four.
2 tsp thyme leaves, 5whole sprigs, plus a few extra leaves, to garnish
4 rosemary sprigs, leaves picked
2 garlic cloves, peeled and crushed
4 tbsp olive oil
500g pork belly
Coarse sea salt and ground whitepepper
250ml white wine
15g unsalted butter
5 shallots, peeled and chopped
6 celery stalks, cut into 1cm dice
½ medium celeriac, peeled and cut into 1cm dice
600ml chicken stock
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 tbsp maple syrup
Heat the oven to its highest setting. Put the thyme leaves, rosemary, garlic and two tablespoons of olive oil in the small bowl of a food processor and roughly purée. Lay the pork belly skin-side down in a small ovenproof dish or tray, sprinkle with a quarter-teaspoon of salt and some pepper, then spread the herb mixture evenly over the flesh side. Turn over the belly so it's skin-side up, wipe the skin dry with kitchen paper and sprinkle over half a teaspoon of salt.
Roast for 40 minutes, turning the tray halfway through (the herbs may look burnt by this stage, but that's fine). After the 40 minutes are up, pour 150ml of the wine into the tray – avoid wetting the skin – and cook for 10 minutes more. Lower the heat to 170C/335F/gas mark 3, and cook for another 20 minutes, until the crackling has formed and the meat is cooked through. Remove thepork tray from the oven and set aside somewhere warm to rest.
While the pork is cooking, get onwith the soup. Over a medium flame, heat the remaining oil and the butter in a large saucepan. Addthe shallots, celery, celeriac, aquarter-teaspoon of white pepper and three-quarters of a teaspoon of salt. Sauté for five to 10 minutes, until the vegetables have softened abit, then add the remaining wine. Turn the heat to high and cook for four minutes, to burn off the alcohol, then add the stock and thyme sprigs. Bringto a simmer and cook, coveredand on a low-medium heat, for 15-20 minutes, until the vegetables are very soft.
Use a slotted spoon to transfer half the veg into a bowl. Remove and discard thethyme sprigs and roughly blitz the vegetables in the pan with a hand-held blender (or in a food processor). Return the diced vegetables to the pan and stir in thelemon juice. Keep hot.
Strain the cooking juices from the roasting pan – you should have about four tablespoons-worth – andstir the maple syrup into them. Cut the pork belly into 1.5cm pieces.
Divide the hot soup between shallow bowls, scatter the pork on top and dribble some ofthe cooking juices over the top. Topwith some picked thyme leavesand serve.
